A woman who inflicted severe harm on herself by gouging out her own eyes has recounted the series of events that led to this drastic action.
Kaylee Muthart, once a top student, decided to leave school at 17. Despite her academic success, she felt overwhelmed by her long work hours and a heart arrhythmia condition, prompting her to take a break from her education.
In an interview with Cosmopolitan, Kaylee explained, “By age 18, I was drinking alcohol socially and smoking pot often, while working diligently at my part-time job. I suspected I was prone to addiction, since it ran in my family, so I actively avoided what I considered more serious drugs.”
At 19, Kaylee experienced an unusual high after using drugs with a friend, which she hadn’t encountered before.
“I’d long been a religious Christian; the high made me feel particularly close to God,” she shared.
Kaylee suspects that the marijuana was likely mixed with other substances like cocaine or meth, leading her to distance herself from her friend.
Following her departure from school, Kaylee’s life took a downward spiral. Without a job and facing relationship issues, she turned to drugs and alcohol as a means of escape.
She eventually suffered a mental breakdown, feeling increasingly ‘lonely’ and ‘unhappy’.
“I remembered the way I felt on the laced weed and sought that kind of peace again,” Kaylee told Cosmopolitan.
She began using stronger drugs, leading to intense hallucinations.
She recounted, “While on ecstasy, I studied the Bible. I misinterpreted a lot of it. I convinced myself that meth would bring me even closer to God.”
Kaylee’s addiction worsened after Thanksgiving 2017, despite her attempts to quit drugs ‘two or three times’.
She eventually consented to rehab, but an incident before attending led her to gouge out her own eyes.
Under the influence after a drug session the previous night, Kaylee believed ‘everyone would die if I didn’t tear out my eyes immediately’. She proceeded to do so, with the drugs dulling the pain.
At the hospital, doctors performed emergency surgery to remove the remnants of her eyes.
The recovery process was lengthy, as she recalled: “I was in the hospital for a week, during which I suffered from bad headaches behind my eye sockets and particularly in my temples. They continued to crop up intermittently for about a month.
“I was offered hydrocodone for the pain but only took it once or twice — I really didn’t want to take anything besides Tylenol. I was determined to stay off drugs.”
Despite her blindness, Kaylee remains hopeful about her future and still aspires to become a marine biologist one day.
If you need support or advice about drugs, you can contact American Addiction Centers at (888) 830-7624, available 24/7, or reach them through their website.