A woman has shared her journey to understanding she was demisexual after noticing a key distinction in how she and her friends perceive sexual partners. In today’s world, there are numerous terms to describe different sexualities, which can be overwhelming when you’re trying to figure out your own feelings and thoughts.
Fortunately, sex and relationship expert Paul C. Brunson had a conversation with author Toni Tone about demisexuality, which has helped many people on social media identify with this orientation.
Appearing on Brunson’s podcast, We Need To Talk, Toni Tone, known as ‘Online Big Sis,’ discussed the moment she realized her sexuality was different from that of some of her friends.
She shared: “A lot of people experience sexual attraction off the bat, right? They can be sexually attracted to someone walking through a room.”
“I can acknowledge that men are attractive men, but there is absolutely nothing within me that feels any type of sexual desire or arousal for them in any way, right?”
“That only comes after I have developed an emotional connection to them based on who they are and their character.”
“For example, I’ve never had a one night stand. I’ve never met someone in a club and kissed a random person.”
“My girlfriends will see a guy and be like, ‘Oh he can get some.’ But I’m like, ‘No, no one can ever get anything unless I know them.'”
Paul Brunson elaborated in the podcast: “Demisexuality is when someone only feels sexual attraction after forming a deep emotional bond.”
“Unlike others with a sexual orientation based on instant attraction – often called allosexuality – a demisexual person needs a connection rooted in someone’s character and values.”
The Cleveland Clinic mentions: “People who identify as demisexual only feel sexual attraction to someone after they’ve formed a strong emotional bond with them. Compared to the general population, most people who are demisexual rarely feel sexual attraction. Some have little to no interest in sexual activity.”
“[…] Forming an emotional bond doesn’t guarantee sexual attraction will develop, but the bond is necessary for them to even consider sexual activity. If they do develop a sexual attraction, the desire for sexual activity is often less intense.”
Brunson commented: “You might even be demisexual without realizing it.”
This revelation resonated with social media users, prompting many to share their experiences in the comments.
One TikTok user mentioned, “Just found out that I am demisexual,” and another said, “I feel so seen.”
Another user noted: “I thought everyone was like this.”
Someone else commented: “I am Demisexual from today = thanks for telling me this because it was really hard to explain until now……now I got a proper word.”
Near the conclusion of the podcast, Brunson stated: “Knowing your orientation can be powerful. It helps you understand your own needs, set healthy boundaries, and feel validated in how you experience attraction.”