Warning: This article contains discussion of suicide which some readers may find distressing.
An Australian woman is sharing a deeply emotional update about her life with a rare illness.
Annaliese Holland suffers from autoimmune autonomic ganglionopathy, a disorder that impacts various bodily functions including heart rate, blood pressure, digestion, and urination.
Throughout her childhood, Annaliese experienced numerous illnesses without a clear diagnosis until she reached adulthood.
Unfortunately, the late diagnosis means her condition is quite severe, preventing her from consuming any food for the past decade.
She also endures constant nausea and vomiting.
“My stool would back up so much that I would throw it up or drain it out my tummy,” she revealed to news.com.au.
“I was put on something called Total Parenteral Nutrition or TPN, essentially a bag of nutrition delivered directly into my bloodstream through a line in my chest.”
Annaliese has opened up about opting for assisted suicide, describing it as a ‘safety blanket’ for her.
“For me, I don’t want to have to wake up every day with anxiety about the pain that I know is ahead for me,” she explained.
“The pain of starving to death when they can’t feed me anymore, or the horror of sepsis. Knowing I can go when the time is right is just a huge relief.
“It’s so weird to be happy about it, but I am so happy and I feel so lucky that I do have this choice. It’s controversial and I haven’t really talked about it properly yet. But it’s so important.”
Annaliese recently provided an update on her life, stating she has achieved a significant yet emotional moment on her ‘f**k it list’.
In a video shared online, she stands with her father while wearing a wedding dress, accompanied by the message: “My whole life I told everyone I never wanted to get married.
“Looking back, I think it was a coping mechanism — because deep down, I knew it was never going to be possible for me.
“Watching friends fall in love, get engaged and have babies, (while knowing that future doesn’t exist for me), is a grief I carry in my body every single day.
“A lot of the things on my f@%k it list are life’s ‘rites of passage’. One of them was seeing myself in a wedding dress and sharing that moment with my family.
“It was beautiful. It was heartbreaking. And somehow, it was healing too.”
Annaliese expressed her desire for the memory to always remain with her family and shared her next aspiration.
“I hope this memory stays with my family forever and gives them something joyful to hold onto,” she stated. “For one day, I wasn’t my illness. I was just a normal 26-year-old who actually felt pretty.
“I’m so grateful I got to tick this off my list. My next dream? Watching a baby being born and holding a brand-new bubba.”
You can support Annaliese by donating to her GoFundMe here.
If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health crisis, assistance is available through Mental Health America. Call or text 988 or chat via 988lifeline.org. You can also connect with the Crisis Text Line by texting MHA to 741741.