Warning: This article discusses emotional abuse, which may distress some readers.
Anna Kendrick has shared her thoughts on why warnings regarding red flags might sometimes come off as ‘victim-blamey’.
Many recognize the actor for her comedic roles in films like Pitch Perfect and What to Expect When You’re Expecting. However, at 39, Kendrick took on a much different role in a 2022 film, which resonated with her on a personal level.
During an appearance on Alex Cooper’s Call Her Daddy podcast, Kendrick was asked about her performance in Alice, Darling (2022).
In this movie, the Twilight star portrays the main character, Alice, who is navigating a relationship with an emotionally abusive boyfriend named Simon.
This role was particularly tough for Kendrick as she had recently emerged from a challenging relationship herself.
She shared with Cooper: “It was like pushing myself off a cliff and not giving myself the time to go, ‘Is this a good choice?’ It was really scary and personal.”
Kendrick mentioned that she felt compelled to take on the film but kept it a secret from those close to her – including her therapist and friends – that the project dealt with emotional abuse, as she had “just gotten out of a relationship that was extremely similar to the movie”.
“And I didn’t want anybody to tell me to not do it,” she added.
In the conversation, Kendrick opened up more about the seven-year relationship she had left.
She explained that the relationship ‘didn’t follow the traditional pattern,’ which made it ‘really difficult to identify it and name it as abusive’.
“It was like an overnight switch. That went on for about a year. It didn’t follow that more traditional – it’s like a frog in boiling water thing where it started slow. It came out of absolutely nowhere but was built on this foundation of I had so much love and trust for that person,” she continued.
The abrupt change, clashing with her emotions, led Kendrick to initially question and blame herself.
“I thought it had to be me. If one of us was crazy it has to be me,” she added. “It was very, very difficult to actually go, ‘No, I think this is him. I think this is his stuff.'”
Kendrick recounted how she ‘turned [her] life completely upside down’ in an attempt to ‘fix whatever was wrong with [her],’ which was further complicated by their couple’s therapy sessions.
She described how her ex-partner managed to ‘stay calm’ during therapy sessions ‘in a way that he [did] not do’ outside of them, leading the therapist to initially ‘buy his stuff’.
The therapist eventually apologized to Kendrick after ‘realizing what was going on towards the end’.
While discussing the relationship, she acknowledged it’s ‘really complicated’ and ‘hard’ because she sometimes still questions her recollections: “Am I making that up? Am I making everything up?”
Kendrick concluded that it’s ‘important’ to share warnings and discuss ‘red flags’, though she notes these conversations can sometimes seem ‘victim-blamey’.
“How is it that we’re meant to be inside the mind of someone who is working very hard to make sure that you feel very unsteady and are questioning yourself?” she said.
As a result, Kendrick now insists on not engaging with a man – not even a kiss or a deep conversation – unless they’re ‘in or have been in therapy’.
If you are experiencing domestic violence, please know that you are not alone. You can talk in confidence 24 hours a day to the national domestic violence helpline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) 24/7. You can find a list of local resources here.
If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available through Mental Health America. Call or text 988 to reach a 24-hour crisis center, or chat online at 988lifeline.org. You can also contact the Crisis Text Line by texting MHA to 741741.