A psychologist has advised individuals to be aware of a particular toxic behavior in relationships that can lead to prolonged unhappiness.
A psychologist based in Los Angeles shared a warning on YouTube about the risks of being involved with a narcissist in a relationship.
Dr. Ramani Durvasula explained that narcissistic partners often use a manipulative tactic to achieve their desires. She labeled this tactic as ‘future-faking’ and clarified that it might not be what one initially thinks.
She stated, “Future-faking isn’t about talking about the future in a hopeful way, that’s just wishful thinking.
“Future-faking is trying to entice something from someone else on the basis of a future promise,” she elaborated.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zI9ZZqaxEiI
“Future-faking is saying [that promise will] happen if the other person in the relationship just sticks around or does something.”
Dr. Durvasula pointed out that the most alarming part of this behavior is the narcissist’s intention to maintain the relationship just to extract what they want, such as adoration, status, money, or other benefits from their partner.
She provided a typical example of future-faking, where a narcissist might propose moving to a bigger home next year, contingent upon their partner not spending money for a year.
Furthermore, she noted that the ‘ultimate future-faking’ involves the promise of growing old together, which might initially seem endearing but could result in years of discontentment.
Durvasula described this as an ‘utter tragedy for many people in narcissistic marriages’.
She remarked: “This concept of growing old together is a real roll of the dice.
“Because for one person or the other, someone in the relationship is always going to get stuck doing some caregiving, whatever that looks like.
“I have had the experience of dealing with many, many folks who have gone through and are still in long-term narcissistic intimate relationships. 40-plus years, even 50 and 60-plus years.
“[Society] didn’t talk about narcissism until relatively recently in the way that we do now. [Many people who are 40 or older] are tolerating toxic relationships but didn’t have any word or model for it.”
She emphasized that a narcissistic individual will never truly care for their partner in their old age, despite any promises made. Instead, they would view their partner’s illnesses as a bother to them.
If it is the narcissist’s health that declines, she cautioned, the partner may end up spending years caring for a self-absorbed person who lacks gratitude.