In the moments leading up to the end of life, it’s natural to ponder over past choices and feel regret for certain actions or inactions.
These regrets can be particularly overwhelming when you realize there were opportunities to make different choices that are now out of reach.
But do many people share similar regrets as they approach the end of their lives?
Bronnie Ware, a nurse who has dedicated years to palliative care, has shared insights into the common regrets people express when they are nearing the end of their lives.
Ware has been transparent about her experiences, discussing her interactions with patients, the death process, and grieving families.
Through her work, she has witnessed situations that many might never experience, and by sharing her observations, she offers us the chance to reconsider our life choices before our time comes.
On her blog, Ware noted, “People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal.
“Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
“When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again.”
Bronnie observed that a significant number of individuals regretted dedicating so much of their lives to work.
Interestingly, this regret was most frequently expressed by men, often those who were primary earners in their households, wishing they had spent more time with family.
This is a sentiment many can relate to.
Bronnie also pointed out that many felt they had put aside their true desires to maintain harmony with others around them.
A notable pattern Ware noticed was the regret of not pursuing personal dreams.
“The only way we can find peace within is to be true to our own calling, our dream and own nature,” she expressed in her 2011 publication, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying – A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing.
As time passes and life becomes more hectic, maintaining friendships can become challenging. A 2023 survey found that eight percent of Americans reported having no close friends, highlighting a ‘loneliness epidemic’ in the country.
Despite life’s demands, particularly for those balancing family and work, friendships play a vital role in living a fulfilling life.
The notion of ‘the one that got away’ is familiar to many, and it appears that near the end, a lot of people wished they had been more open about their feelings.
Bronnie noted that many suppressed their emotions to avoid conflict with others.
“As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming,” she further explained.
“Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”
While life is a mix of joys and challenges, the question arises: do we truly cherish the happy times, and could we create more of them?
As Bronnie’s patients faced their final days, they often concluded that happiness is a choice—one many wished they had embraced more often.
Some felt ‘stuck’ at different points, and it’s often easier to remain in a comfort zone, even if it doesn’t lead to happiness.
Bronnie underscored, “Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.”
If you are grieving and wish to talk with someone in confidence, reach out to GrieveWell at (734) 975-0238, or email [email protected].