Psychologists have uncovered 10 behaviors that women experiencing loneliness might unknowingly exhibit.
In 2023, US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy highlighted the nation’s loneliness crisis, emphasizing that it is not just a fleeting ‘bad feeling’ but a significant public health concern.
The Covid-19 pandemic worsened the situation, but Murthy noted that even before the pandemic, around half of American adults reported feelings of isolation. By 2024, a survey revealed that 30 percent of individuals felt lonely at least weekly.
Men and women appear to handle loneliness differently. Dr. Emily Guarnotta, a psychologist with Phoenix Health, stated that women are more likely to internalize these feelings.
In an interview with Parade, Dr. Guarnotta explained that women often feel loneliness is beyond their control and may internalize it as a personal failing, resulting in a cycle of shame.
“This can result in a destructive shame cycle that reinforces loneliness,” she stated.
What are the specific behaviors women might exhibit without realizing their connection to loneliness?
Psychologist Michele Goldman, who advises the Hope for Depression Research Foundation, noted that some women who appear constantly busy might actually be masking loneliness.
“Some people who are lonely are the busiest of women—the woman who is ‘doing it all,” she explained.
Dr. Gayle MacBride, affiliated with Veritas Psychology Partners, identified over-committing to a packed schedule as another indication.
“Filling your calendar with events and obligations does not mean you feel a meaningful connection and are emotionally supported,” she commented.
Dr. Guarnotta points out that lonely women might strive to please others to create connections.
“They may always say yes and sacrifice their own needs and desires for others,” she said. “This can also be perceived to be positive by others, but it could lead to burnout and resentment on the part of the people-pleaser.”
Social isolation is another factor. According to Dr. Guarnotta, some women may intentionally exclude themselves from social events as a sign of loneliness.
“This could be because these types of situations cause her to feel anxious, or because she fears getting close to others,” she said. “When she is invited to social or work functions, she may find a way to get out of them.”
Even women with large social circles might struggle with forming deeper connections, as noted by psychologists.
Dr. Goldman explained: “Some women can make and maintain relationships fairly easily, but those relationships can be quite surface-level and superficial. These are relationships of convenience or proximity but often lack true emotional vulnerability. Even though it might appear that there is social connection, emotionality is lacking, which can lead to loneliness.”
Dr. MacBride observed that lonely women are often reluctant to leave toxic relationships due to fear of losing their established connections.
“It can be hard to hold a boundary and walk away when you are emotionally drained but fearful of the abyss of truly being ‘all alone’,” she commented.
Instead of appearing unhappy, lonely individuals might seem overly cheerful, according to experts.
“Excessive positivity can present as always seeming in a good mood, only displaying positive emotions and being unable to tolerate more negative emotions in self or others,” Dr. Guarnotta said. “While—in some ways—this may be a likeable quality, it could turn some people off if they feel like it’s disingenuous.”
Moreover, Dr. Jan Miller from Thriveworks noted that lonely women can be particularly self-critical.
“She may notice an increase in her internal critic or negative voice that reinforces the core belief that something is wrong with her, making her believe that is the explanation for her loneliness,” she explained.
Dr. Miller also pointed out that loneliness might lead women to neglect self-care, such as irregular eating or ignoring personal grooming and hobbies.
“These changes could be a reflection of depression connected to loneliness as well as an overall sense of ‘why bother?'” she added.
Dr. Guarnotta noted that extreme independence might serve as a protective measure for lonely women.
She explained: “They may prefer to do things on their own rather than ask for help. If someone offers to help, they may not accept it. This keeps them from getting hurt or let down by others.”
Lastly, excessive screen time and frequent social media activity could signal a longing for connection.
“Hours of scrolling, binge-watching and frequent social media posting can be an attempt to replace connections,” Dr. MacBride added. “Some even use this to feel close to online or social media personalities.”