A specialist in couples therapy and sex has disclosed the primary reason individuals may choose to be unfaithful in a relationship.
Discovering your partner’s infidelity can be incredibly devastating; however, understanding the possible causes could help in addressing it, although it is not a justification or blame on the person who is cheated on.
Esther Perel, a psychologist with 45 years of experience in relationship therapy, has identified a key reason why some individuals may become unfaithful.
In a conversation with the Telegraph, she stated, “Infidelity has existed since marriage was invented and people stray for a multitude of reasons: sometimes those have to do with the relationship – sometimes it’s rejection, betrayal, disconnection, alienation. Loneliness is a big one.”
Perel further explained, “Sometimes it has reasons which have very little to do with the relationship: the reasons are internal.”
Although there are numerous reasons a partner may decide to have an affair, Perel suggests that the most common motive is a reaction against the perceived ‘deadness’ in the relationship.
She elaborated, “It could be any number of things,” adding, “Most people today in the West are going to have two or three relationships or marriages in their adult life. Some of us will do it with the same person.”
She asserts, “The story of an affair is that your first marriage is over. But you can create a second one.”
Though this perspective might seem blunt, she emphasizes it can happen if a couple’s closeness becomes overwhelming, stifling passion, or if distance causes one to feel uncared for.
Nonetheless, Perel also suggests there are ways to revive a relationship that feels stagnant. How is that possible?
She emphasizes the power of “Curiosity,” as a solution.
“It means exploration, it means discovery, it means active engagement with the unknown, it means being alive. It’s a good entry door,” Perel explains.
She advises, “It’s about opening yourself up to the possibility that you don’t know your partner as well as you think. Instead of settling into a cosy existence, why don’t we, instead, have a conversation about something interesting besides what we want from each other?”
Perel points out that curiosity involves ‘playing’, and ‘play is when taking risks is fun’. These insights could help reignite the passion in your relationship.