Alexia Shrout has spoken out about the criticism her throuple faced on their wedding day and the one boundary keeping their 15-year relationship intact.
Alexia, who shares her life with partners Doug Shrout and Jake Shrout-Mchaffie in Maumee, Ohio, said the family has never shied away from the judgement of others. The trio, who are raising four children together, have spent a decade and a half building a life that defies conventional family structures.
“Of course we have faced criticism and judgement,” she said. “People can’t really picture what it’s like to have a poly family. But then they come over and many comments have been ‘wow you guys are just like a normal family.'”
The reaction wasn’t always so warm, particularly around the time all three of them decided to get married. “We did have a couple of family members that refused to come because they didn’t agree with it,” she explained. “We lost some friends over it when we first got together.”
Despite the fallout, Alexia said the trio went ahead with a full ceremony, and she’s since had strangers reach out after hearing about it. “I have told our story to people and many people have come out to me and stated they are poly,” she said. “However, they don’t live it out loud because they don’t want to be judged. So I like telling my story because it helps make people not feel so alone.”
She said one question comes up more than any other. “Alot of people have asked us ‘yeah but are you legally married?'” Alexia said. “My response is always ‘I don’t need the government’s permission to have a wedding or make vows.'”
The ceremony itself, she said, was no different from a traditional wedding in almost every respect. “We had a full wedding,” she said. “Invited over 100 people. Had a father daughter dance. Had a groom and mom dance. Cut the cake together, said our vows together. Hired a DJ. Rented out a space. Rented tuxes, bought a wedding dress.”
The only thing missing was legal recognition, since only one partnership can be legally registered at a time under current regulations. “Legally only means the government is involved now,” she said. “Pass on that.”
Alexia said the family has also had to deal with more direct hostility. In one incident, a man in a bar owned by her mother reportedly made derogatory comments about a video of the family that had previously gone viral, not realizing who she was, only for her sister, who was working behind the bar that day, to have him thrown out.
Day-to-day, Alexia said the household runs on a divide-and-conquer system. Doug and Jake both leave early for work, while Alexia, who owns her own business, has a later start that lets her handle school runs and doctor’s appointments. All three adults pay their income into a single shared account, with bills automated to cut down on day-to-day admin.
The couple’s four children include two older sons, aged 21 and 18, who have since moved out, an eight-year-old daughter named Tegan, and a teenage boy the family formally adopted a month ago after fostering him for six months. Alexia said she handled much of the paperwork and home inspections during that process, with Doug and Jake stepping in when needed.
Bigger decisions, she said, are always made together, including her choice to buy into a business despite it meaning less time at home. “I only moved forward with buying into the business because everyone was willing to sacrifice,” she explained.
In the viral moment that first brought the family widespread attention, a video of the throuple circulated online and drew both support and derision from viewers across social media platforms. That clip eventually reached the bar where Alexia’s mother owns the establishment, setting up the confrontation where an unsuspecting patron insulted the family within earshot of Alexia’s own sister.