Esther Santer has defended her decision to marry on September 11, calling the date “like, an f-you to terrorism.”
Santer, who wed at Crest Hollow in New York on September 11, 2017, said that practical planning needs collided with a deliberate stance against letting tragedy dominate the calendar. She had moved to New York after 17 years in St. Louis, Missouri, and found that outdoor venues for a September wedding were scarce. “Getting married outside was really important to me and a September wedding was kind of the only guarantee,” she said. “We started looking at venues and everything [else] was just booked.”
When September 11 fell on a Saturday and opened up, she took it. The date carries painful weight in her own family. Her brother had been commuting to work across the street from the World Trade Center on the morning of the 2001 attacks. “He saw the second plane hit,” Santer said. “He figured it was terrorism and ran for his life.”
The attacks killed 2,606 people in and around the towers. New York weddings on that date remain rare. The Knot reported roughly 66 percent fewer couples registered for September 11 weddings compared to other available dates, per CBS data. The year 2004 saw a 55 percent drop from the second Saturday of September 2003, and a 65 percent drop from that same Saturday in 2002.
Santer framed her choice as reclaiming the date rather than ignoring its history. “If we took tragic days out of the calendar for when not to get married, there would never be any celebrations,” she said. She drew a direct parallel to other dark anniversaries: “People get married on Pearl Harbor. People get married on every single tragic day.”
The couple does not treat the anniversary lightly in practice. Santer said they shifted their actual celebration to avoid the date itself. “I wouldn’t say we pretend we have a different day but we don’t publicise it,” she said. “We wish each other a happy anniversary on September 11, but when we go out to celebrate, it’s either on the 10th or 12th.”
She was not alone in seeing the date as ripe for defiance. More than two decades ago, Lynne Vellucci and James Buongiorno said they too had chosen September 11 to push back against the shadow of terrorism. “We’re really excited about having a celebration of love on that day to help restore a sense of goodness to the world,” Vellucci said.
The 2001 attacks began at 8:46 a.m. When American Airlines Flight 11 struck the North Tower. United Airlines Flight 175 hit the South Tower 17 minutes later. Both towers collapsed within two hours, and the day would ultimately claim nearly 3,000 lives across the four hijacked planes and the Pentagon attack.
Santer’s brother survived by fleeing immediately after the second impact. His proximity to the destruction made Santer’s wedding date choice more personally charged than for couples with no direct connection to the day.
The September 11 attacks reshaped Lower Manhattan and American security policy, and the date remains a national day of mourning. For some New York couples, that weight has made it a date to avoid entirely. For Santer and a small number of others, it became a venue for asserting continuity.
Santer and her husband continue to mark their anniversary privately on the date while delaying any public celebration.