Breaking up is never easy. But before ending a relationship, there are steps you can take to make the whole thing easier on yourself and your partner. You can’t avoid heartache, but you can avoid the unnecessary grief that comes with unclear emotions and ill-thought out words. So before ending things, make sure you do the following:
#1. Figure out what you need to say.
The break up conversation will likely be the last heart-to-heart you experience with that person. If there are things you need to say in order to let go of repressed feelings, say them. But do so in a thought-out way. You don’t want to say things you’ll regret later. Write down how that person hurt you or when your feelings changed. If you can’t find the words when it’s time to break up, read out what you’ve written.
#2. Know why it has to end.
You may have to do some digging within yourself to know why the relationship has to end. You may find that you’re losing your cool over small things when there’s a bigger issue that’s frustrating you. When you know your reason for why it’s over, prepare in your mind what you’ll say and keep it simple.
#3. Leave guilt at the door.
Relationships end all the time. You’re not responsible for how the other person will react to the break up — and as long as you’ve been considerate and honest, you shouldn’t feel guilty about it. After all, staying with someone out of guilt is not a good reason to be with them. It’s disrespectful to you and the other person.
#4. Be willing to walk away on bad terms.
While we all want a nice clean break up, more often than not it’s not possible. Breaking up when the feeling isn’t mutual is a form of rejection — and that’s hard to take whoever you are. Prepare yourself for anger, emotional blackmail, and the silent treatment. Try to understand it from their point of view, this will help you be the bigger person and minimize the danger of the break up conversation turning into a shouting match.
#5. Stick to your guns.
If you’re breaking up with someone who still wants to be with you, you have to be ready to be firm. Sure, you could stay with someone you’re not into anymore, but in the long run, that causes more damage and resentment. If you’re certain it’s time to break up, carry your conviction all the way through. You’ll both be happier for it.