If you’re need a good laugh, check out these random tweets that don’t end how you’d expect them to.
#1. Poetry with a twist.
roses r red
violets r blue
sunflowers r yellow
i bet u were expecting someting romantic but no this is just gardening facts
— pakalu papito (@pakalupapito) July 11, 2014
#2. Take it easy kiddos.
My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
— Viktor Winetrout (@Cpin42) August 7, 2013
I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.
— Spaced (@Spaced_Cowboy00) June 19, 2016
#4. Are you sure?
[introducing girlfriend to my family]
me: this is my girlfriend janine
wife: what the fuck
— dan mentos (@DanMentos) August 11, 2016
#6. In case you didn’t know, sleeping is the new sexual fantasy.
New sexual fantasy: He takes my hand, leads me to the bed, and says, in a throaty whisper, "I want you to nap for as long as you like."
— Chloe Angyal (@ChloeAngyal) October 18, 2015
#7. He’s nervous, okay?
ME: [licking lips in anticipation] I'm nervous. I've never done a bungee jump before.
INSTRUCTOR: don't lick my lips again.
— Paul (@FrenulumBreve) August 19, 2015
#8. You better bee ready for this.
[Sees bee on my wife's arm]
[I roll up a newspaper]
Babe.. stay still..
(using newspaper as a megaphone) THERE'S A FUCKING BEE ON YOU
— josh (@ruinedpicnic) February 16, 2015
#10. The comet must be so hot.
him: Im so sorry. This literally never happens
[takes out telescope to watch comet]
— Dani Fernandez (@msdanifernandez) August 10, 2015
#11. He should have tried switching it off and on again.
WIFE: [handing me crying baby] will u please change him
[drives to hospital]
ME: hi yes my baby is crying can i get a new one
— jomny sun @ TCAF (@jonnysun) August 15, 2016
#12. Good for you, face.
Of course I touch myself when I think about you
It's called a face palm
— Flirt (@1MeLrO) July 22, 2015
#13. A promise is a promise, Rob.
Rob thank god you picked up! Hey remember when you said if I needed a place to crash I cou- hold on *to copilot* STOP CRYING, ROB WILL HELP
— vineyille (@vineyille) June 27, 2013
#14. And remember, never judge an event by its name.
"Open Mike Night" sounded like a lot of fun until I realised I'd been invited to an autopsy.
— d i v e r s i o n (@Diversion50) November 1, 2014