coworker: what's for lunch?
me: [eating] food, generally
cw: no, I mean what are you having?
me: an unwanted conversation
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) March 4, 2016
Adorable idea. Colleagues have been writing names on their food in the office fridge. I am currently eating a yoghurt called Debbie
— Mrs Joshua Homme (@FussySaffa) March 24, 2010
You know who else brings their kids into work to meet all their coworkers?
— 🧨 Envy 🧨 (@envydatropic) February 15, 2016
Boss: Mike Ginn
Me: whaaa sorry was just… doing an email pic.twitter.com/fEj5YN98RE
— Mike Ginn (@shutupmikeginn) January 13, 2016
Recruiter (calling me at work): Are you able to talk?
Me: Since the age of two.
— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) January 3, 2016
my boss: [whispering into my coffin] "you haven't submitted your timesheet"
— k e i t h 🐤🥔 (@KeetPotato) February 3, 2016
The problem with teaching a man to fish is that eventually somebody will microwave that fish in the work break room.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) January 12, 2015
My signature move is asking a co-worker wearing a suit on dress down Fridays, "how did the job interview go?" in front of everyone.
— Sir Doucheurtwat (@HelmdawgE) June 27, 2013
Trying to use the office microwave for lunch anytime around noon is like the hunger games
— That Prairie Girl (@thatprairiegirl) November 26, 2015
Don't you just hate it when you arrive at work and realise you've forgotten to bring your will to live?
— Fickle Filly (@Fickle_Filly) March 2, 2016
“I want to hate my life in a different building” – person looking for a new job
— Primary Takes Provider (@InternetHippo) January 21, 2016
You can sit idle for days in your office but the moment you ask for a half day leave you become the strategically most important employee.
— Aladdin (@Alllahdin) August 8, 2014
Pic1: Me at home 1 am
Pic 2: Me at office 1 pm pic.twitter.com/OdSzSD8TvQ
— Rofl Gandhi 2.0 🏹 (@RoflGandhi_) June 25, 2015
How my appraisal went this year. pic.twitter.com/iSbrba3ZUL
— Jahanvi (@intrinsiclutter) April 5, 2016
Well sir, I doubt everyone will be so upset my desk is "infested" with caterpillars once the office is "infested" with beautiful butterflies
— Pete Lynch (@PJTLynch) April 8, 2013
I told all my colleagues at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I don't have to talk to them.
— Sweet Slips (@Ndeshi_M) May 14, 2015
Coworker: Do you ever think about work at home?
Me: I don't even think about work at work.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 18, 2016
Please ignore this tweet, I'm pretending to be adding a coworker's phone number.
— Malbec 🇦🇷 (@MissMalbec) May 12, 2014
When you leave office early and hope nobody sees you.. https://t.co/TQ7ZrqII68
— Keh Ke Peheno (@coolfunnytshirt) April 1, 2016