A Washington father’s self-written obituary has gone viral after his death last month, with readers online calling it the “best obituary ever.”
Michael De Simone, 51, of Olympia, Wash., died from a cardiac event on Aug. 21 following a stroke earlier this year, his friend Mark Campanella wrote on Facebook. The Army veteran and father of two had composed the tribute himself, and the Centralia Chronicle published it on Thursday.
De Simone opened his obituary with characteristic directness. “Michael De Simone regrettably informs you that he is no longer alive,” he wrote. “This was not the plan. He expected to be alive somewhat longer in order to do many more things.”
He attributed his death to a losing argument with his own body. “Unfortunately, there was some measure of disagreement between his mind and his body, and the arguments made by his body were, in the end, more persuasive,” he continued.
The Maryland native, who had lived in Olympia, managed to find humor even in the timing of his final meal. He quipped that he died “exiting the world the way he entered it: eating pizza.”
De Simone addressed his relatively young age with a comparison that revealed his wry sensibility. “He was 51 years old when he died, which is young for a man but quite old for a dog, so he left the world at peace in the knowledge that he outlived many, many dogs,” he wrote.
Travel had been a defining feature of his life, and he measured his experiences against the scope of human history. “He also traveled extremely widely, for work and pleasure, visiting every continent save Antarctica, which no one counts because it’s cold,” De Simone noted. “He also took great solace in knowing that, in the great breadth of human history, very, very few people among the billions of human souls ever did much in the way of traveling, while he did a lot.”
He pressed the point with a swipe at medieval privilege. “Compared to a 12th-century nobleman, he basically saw the entire world, and he wasn’t even a nepobaby like some king,” he added.
The obituary turned tender when De Simone described what he would miss most. “The one big downside to not being alive is not being with the people one loves, and he loves a lot of people a great deal,” he wrote.
His wife, Daisy, received devoted mention as his “sweetheart” in every phase of their shared life. “They never stopped being sweethearts, and forever sweethearts they remain,” he said. The couple had met in high school, served together in the Army, raised children, and become grandparents.
His love for his two daughters, Johanna and Dani, consumed the final portion of his self-tribute. “Creation wishes it was as wide as his love for Johanna and Dani,” De Simone wrote. “They came into his life early, as these things go in these times, but who would have it any other way? Who wouldn’t want as many moments as possible with their beloved children?”
He closed with an apology for delivering the news himself. “Michael is, again, very sad to bring this news to you. It wasn’t much fun to receive,” he concluded.
De Simone was celebrated at a funeral Friday morning before being laid to rest at noon in Centralia, Wash.
Strangers who discovered the obituary online praised the family man’s voice and mourned what they had missed. “Best obituary ever,” a Facebook user wrote. “What about amazing obituary, I feel like I know him. What an incredible loss, God Bless his family,” another person added. A third commenter observed: “Well, for not being amongst the living anymore, that was definitely the most lively obituary I believe I’ve ever read. R.I.P. Michael.”