#1. On healthy living.
The best thing about working out and eating well is knowing that eventually I'll be dead and won't have to do this anymore
— beth, an alien (@bourgeoisalien) September 1, 2016
#2. On hating everyone a bit.
[discovers something online] Wow, amazing!!!
[two minutes later, seeing someone else discover same thing] yeah, no shit
— Ari Scott (@ariscott) August 23, 2016
#3. On being petty AF.
Mentioning your best friend in front of regular friends lets them feel the sting of inadequacy they deserve!
— Leah Tiscione (@LeahTiscione) August 14, 2016
#4. On being a big tough grown up.
ME:[defending myself] Oh yeah?? Well I got 5 words for you buddy: please be nice to me
— said Drumpf at the restaurant & everybody clapped (@AbrasiveGhost) April 16, 2016
#5. On all the cute animals you follow on Instagram.
#6. On being really useful.
when someone is looking for something i help by saying "it's gotta be around here somewhere"
— weedchainsaw (@tuckonthis) July 21, 2015
#7. On that weird inner confidence we all have.
My one weakness? Probably my unshakable belief that, despite a total lack of training, I'll be able to do karate if I'm ever in a fight.
— Sir Michael (@Michael1979) June 13, 2015
#8. On decision-making.
If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?
— Holly 🌙💥✨ (@HollyMemphis) April 18, 2013
#9. On work-life balance.
Autocorrect saved my job again pic.twitter.com/NHEfpCF2RL
— steve suckington (@SteveSuckington) June 27, 2016
#10. On eating clean (sort of).
#11. On childhood life lessons.
1985: you will literally go blind if you are too close to the tv screen
2016: PUT EVERYTHING YOU DO ON A SCREEN REAL CLOSE TO YOUR FACE
— Amanda hugnkiss (@caliluvgirl77) April 4, 2016
#12. On being the party DJ.
Putting your iPod on shuffle around your friends is like playing Russian roulette with their respect for you.
— Holly 🌙💥✨ (@HollyMemphis) February 23, 2013
#13. On the modern sense of community.
Who the fuck is this asshole?
Me- every time someone drives down my street.
— 🇺🇸NoUCantBangMe🇺🇸 (@NoUCantBangMe) August 13, 2013
#14. On finance.
#15. On 2016 problems.
#16. On technology.
I don't know why I'm anxious. I just constantly stare at a device that beams nightmares into my eyes.
— Enrique Shockwave (@UNDEADTRESOR) June 12, 2016
#17. On aching bones and weary bodies.
KID: *falls out of tree* I'm fine
ADULT: *sleeps on neck a little strangely* I have to turn my whole body to look at you for the next week
— batkaren (@batkaren) December 17, 2015
#18. And on how you’re really feeling.
i'm great!! i'm good i'm doing good hahaha. i mean "well" haha! haha i'm doing well, not good! haha i'm not doing good! im not doing so good
— tara shoe (@tarashoe) September 2, 2016