Hayden Panettiere promoted her memoir in her last public appearance before her death.
The “Heroes” alum, 36, spoke at a panel discussion for “This Is Me: A Reckoning” on May 26 at the Harmony Gold Theater in Los Angeles, where she discussed postpartum depression, motherhood, and growing up in Hollywood with moderator Alyshia Oche. Panettiere wore a black leather jacket, black top, gray jeans and black boots as she chatted onstage about the 320-page memoir that had been released one week earlier on May 19.
During the panel, Panettiere explained how her struggles with addiction and postpartum depression sparked her decision to give up custody of her 11-year-old daughter, Kaya, to her ex-fiancé, Wladimir Klitschko. “The worst thing that somebody said to me is that it was a personal choice that I was making,” Panettiere shared.
“Who would choose to feel like this? Like, how could you even say that to me? This beautiful child is healthy and everything to celebrate,” she explained. “And I’m completely incapable of doing it. I felt so guilt ridden that I was incapable of doing it.”
Panettiere maintained a good co-parenting relationship with Klitschko and frequently visited her daughter in Ukraine before her death.
Later during the panel, Panettiere talked about her “brutal” experience as a child star, admitting that she had “been groomed” since a young age. The “Ice Princess” star also said she was aware at a very young age that the emotional toll of being a child star would eventually “come out sideways” in adulthood.
“I’m playing all these characters and I feel like they’re genuine and they’re a part of me, but who am I outside of this?” She recalled wondering at the time. “What is my identity?”
Also during the discussion, Panettiere explained that sharing her story in her own words was “so healing” for her. “So many people have come up to me within the industry and outside of the industry and shared their stories with me and said, ‘Because you’ve talked about your mental health, it gave me the courage to be honest about mine and get myself help, and you saved my life,'” she said.
“And I was like, this is worth it,” she added. “I can hopefully leave the world a better place than I found it. The strength is in our vulnerability.”
In a July interview with Momé magazine, one of her final interviews before her death, Panettiere discussed motherhood and shared advice for others navigating difficult times. “I’ve been able to put her first no matter how I’ve felt or what I’ve experienced,” she said about Kaya, adding that she hoped “one day she’ll understand my story, and why I wasn’t able to be with her all the time.”
When discussing her current state in life, she said, “I’m a work in progress — we all are. I take each day as it comes. I’m doing the work, and I’m doing my best.” In her final quotes of that interview, she wanted other mothers to know: “You’re stronger than you know. And you’re going to be just fine.”
In the viral moment that preceded her death, Panettiere had been open about her struggles for years. In her 2022 “Good Morning America” interview, she spoke about grappling with alcoholism and postpartum depression. “I didn’t know where the alcoholism was ending and the postpartum was beginning,” Panettiere said. “And I ran myself pretty ragged.” Her battle with drugs, alcohol and depression led to an eight-month rehab stint in 2020, where she wrote candidly about the painful effects of withdrawal on her body and mind. “As my nervous system tried to regulate itself without the depressant effects of alcohol, it went into overdrive, and my whole body shook, I couldn’t sleep, and my head pounded like it was pressing against my skull,” she recalled in her book. “A doctor told me that if I didn’t stop drinking, I’d be dead within five years.”
Panettiere’s father, Skip Panettiere, confirmed her “tragic” passing in a statement on Sunday. “She was an incredible light and a force of nature who brought immeasurable love and joy to all who knew her — and to the millions who watched her onscreen,” Skip said. “We ask for privacy as our family takes time to process this unimaginable loss.”
Panettiere died in her South Carolina home after an “overdose,” according to 911 dispatch audio obtained by multiple outlets. Paramedics responded to a call about an “unidentified female” in “cardiac arrest” on Sunday and, within minutes, “CPR [was] in progress.” Emergency responders attempted to resuscitate Panettiere at her apartment complex with “advanced cardiac life support” and chest compressions, but the 36-year-old was pronounced dead at 2:32 p.m. There were reportedly no signs of foul play, with police telling TMZ the circumstances surrounding her death did not appear suspicious. Panettiere reportedly flew from Los Angeles to South Carolina with her on-again, off-again boyfriend, Brian Hickerson, the day before her death.
Panettiere’s memoir “This Is Me: A Reckoning” remains available through Grand Central Publishing.